she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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