and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
