Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
