Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
