Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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