This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
