Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
