walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
