Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
