I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
