Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
