i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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