It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
