Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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