the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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