my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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