Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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