the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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