I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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