You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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