Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
