Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
