so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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