i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
