You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
