I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
