Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize