I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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