We named our party play list daddy issues
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
