You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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