not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize