He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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