you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...