im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight