I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And my parents said I crawled through the house
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY