uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.