Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Your mankini haunted my dreams.