I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
