U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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