Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
