he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
