Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I need to stop coming to work sober
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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