do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
