I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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