I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
