You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This baby is an asshole
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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