Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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