I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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