That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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