are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
