Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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