Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
