Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
