its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
