man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
