I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
