wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
