She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
