God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
