So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
