you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
