just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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