pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
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I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
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her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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