Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
