just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
