so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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