Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
