You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
nutella sex= disaster
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
