Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
