I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
